


Memories

by radazing



Series: Estinien loving hours [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Au Ra Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Au Ra Xaela (Final Fantasy XIV), Dragoon Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), F/M, Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward, Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward Spoilers, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Named Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radazing/pseuds/radazing
Summary: The night before Alphinaud, Aymeric, and Rei depart Ishgard to parley with Hraesvelgar, Rei sits on her balcony reflected on the day's events and memories of her companions. Memories regarding a certain dragoon repeatedly surface, which causes more conflicted feelings regarding the situation at hand.
Relationships: Warrior of Light/Estinien Wyrmblood
Series: Estinien loving hours [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810825
Kudos: 4





	Memories

Rei opened the door to her balcony and perched on the wall overlooking Ishgard. House Fortemps was kind enough to give her and her companions their own individual rooms, Rei’s was the smallest of the three, located at the end of a hallway with a balcony attached to it. Haurchefant explained that it had been his childhood bedroom, the countess had him placed in the smallest and secluded room as another way to demonstrate that he was a Greystone not a Fortemps. Rei thought it was cruel, to shun a child who did not control the nature of their birth. Haurchefant, however, shook his head and explained how he had loved the room particularly because of the balcony. Being able to sit on the wall of the balcony and see the sunset over Ishgard, had been his favorite pastime as a child. Her heart ached at the memory of Haurchefant, his death was still a fresh wound. She was slowly adapting to his loss, Thordan & Zephirin deaths provided a sense of catharsis for her, but she still missed the presence of her best friend. 

Rei reminded herself of the positive memories of Haurchefant, and how she had created her own positive memories in this room during her stay at House Fortemps. Estinien throwing her onto the bed and then tucking her in after she had too many drinks at the Forgotten Knight, Haurchefant had offered to do it since he was staying at House Fortemps that night and he looked after Rei like an older brother, but Estinien had picked her up before Haurchefant could even get up from his chair. One night she let Estinien from the balcony to avoid anyone catching them for a midnight tumble in the sheets. He then forgot to close the balcony door properly when he left before sunrise while everyone was asleep and Rei woke up with a cold that forced her to stay in bed for two days. Haurchefant brought her every meal to her bed, so she could rest and go back to performing patrols with Heustienne as soon as possible. When she got back from her patrol with Heustienne, she found that Estinien had dropped off a small plush bear that she had been eyeing in the marketplace earlier in the week as a form of an apology on her balcony.

 _Of course the bastard is all I can think about right now,_ she thought. Her feelings for the Azure dragoon were causing a knot to form in her stomach. 

She frowned as she considered the day’s events, Alphinaud’s discussion regarding saving Estinien, debating with Krile and Y’shtola if Estinien was still alive and if they could actually save him, the day ending with a meeting with Aymeric planning to seek Hraesvelgar’s help in defeating Nidhogg. Tomorrow Alphinaud, Aymeric, and her would be traveling to Anyx Trine to speak with Vidofnir first before making contact with Hraesvelgar. Reminding her of traveling with Ysayle, Estinien, and Alphinaud. 

When Haurchefant fretted over her safety the day before the trip, Alphinaud trying to keep the peace between the traveling party, Ysayle working so hard to achieve the peace she had longed for, and Estinien would sneak kisses on the top of her head when he thought no one was looking. Despite his stoic exterior, he did give her plenty of affection outside of the public view, after a day’s worth of teasing her and perhaps maybe one too many brusque remarks. They never expressed their relationship publicly to not complicate matters, both had their own obligations due to their positions and they didn’t want their companions to treat them any differently. There was no doubt that people could tell there was something more between the two, but no one else had confronted her regarding the topic. Only once had someone approached Estinien about it, a naive dragoon who had caught the pair while they were out ‘sparring’ and had received a glare so intense, all the other dragoons decided it was safer not to mention the topic. That did not stop the betting pool from forming on what exactly the nature of their relationship was, Heustienne and Alberic were banned from it of course due to being close to both Azure dragoons. 

Only a very select few had known about their relationship. Alberic was the first to know, as Rei needed advice from the elezen’s foster father and she had begun to see him as a father figure as well. Haurchefant had found out about their first encounter while they were having their nightly talks with hot cocoa in Camp Dragonhead. He was much more perceptive than she liked, spying a hickey where her neck met her shoulder that she had received after a ‘patrol’ with Estinien, she thought it had been covered by her armor. Of course, Haurchefant had seen it and forced a confession from her, he continued to tease her about it when no one else was around because she made him promise to keep it a secret. Aymeric found out when she discussed her fight against Thordan and the events that unfolded after, he wanted to talk with her personally after he noticed something was off when she explained what happened to everyone else. She immediately broke down after she recalled what happened to Estinien, frustrated that she was frozen in place as her love had screamed in pain when Nidhogg took over his form. The problem was that she referred to Estinien as her ‘love’, and she immediately realized her mistake after the word had left her mouth. Aymeric, however, confessed that Estinien had told them the nature of their relationship right before they went to The Aery, but requested him not to say anything to protect her privacy. It did feel good afterward, as she recounted to Aymeric how they came to be, to see Aymeric happy for two of his closest friends to be together. Estinien had obviously left out the sweeter details of their relationship, Aymeric said his face was the reddest he had ever seen when the dragoon described his feelings for her. 

They did not dare to discuss the possibility of Estinien being dead or being able to return, Aymeric was unsure of what her reaction would be and he just had gotten her to calm down. He had only just accepted the fact that even if Estinien was still alive, he may have to strike down his best friend for Ishgard’s safety. Instead, he offered her to stay in the guest bedroom that Estinien had frequented over the years, which contained a spare set of clothes. Rei took the offer, as she was too exhausted to walk back to House Fortemps and because she just needed something that filled in the void in her heart. Rei slept in one of Estinien’s shirts that night, with it being comically too large for her due to their size difference. It was extremely comfortable and she decided that when he returned, she would ask (really demand) if she could have one of his shirts.

Of course. There was the lingering issue: if Estinien is able to return, which frustrated Rei more than anything. She hoped Krile and Y’shtola would give her the confidence that he would return, but instead it just gave her more doubts.

“Even should you succeed in exercising the eyes from the dragoons’ mail, we have no way of knowing if your friend’s soul would survive such a violent separation. And that is to say nothing of the possibility that his would-be savior might become Nidhogg’s next host,” Krile’s words had haunted her. What if she became Nidhogg’s host? It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility given her position as Azure dragoon, would Estinien be forced into the same position as she if he lived? Were they doomed to be separated forever?

Rei heard a knock at her door, “May I come in?,” a voice she recognized as Alphinaud’s came shortly after. She hopped off the wall and went back into her room, closing the door to the balcony behind her. Opening the door she gestured for Alphinaud in, he probably noticed her uncharacteristic quietness at dinner and wanted to check in on her, “How are you doing, my friend?”

“I’m fine,” she answered too quickly and too short to be fine. Alphinaud gave her a scrutinizing glare, which reminded her of the time when Estinien scolded her for being too reckless when she chased a heretic alone to their base. She groaned then flopped on to her bed, everything reminded her of Estinien and it was causing her heart to ache. Every memory of him was getting her closer and closer to breaking down again, which she couldn’t do in front of another person again especially not Alphinaud. She let her wall crumble in front of Aymeric, who had become her support after Haurchefant’s death filling in the void he left behind, but she couldn’t do that to Alphinaud who wasn’t even an adult. The young boy had his own list of troubles and her tragic love life was not something she wanted to contribute.

“Clearly not, there’s something troubling you and I’d like to help you with it.”

Rei stared at the ceiling and considered her next words carefully. It was only a matter of time before she’d have to tell Alphinaud the truth regarding her relationship with Estinien, at some point the boy would eventually figure out. She had hoped that she and Estinien would be able to properly discuss the nature of their relationship after the ordeal with Thordan was over and Nidhogg’s eyes had been properly disposed of. Hopefully start properly courting and then they would be able to tell of their companions together. 

The boy deserved the truth though, if they were going to save Estinien he would have to know what the dragoon meant to her, what it meant to be the Azure dragoon, and her frustrations given the situation unfolding around her. She gave a deep breath before explaining her relationship with Estinien: their first meeting, when they fought against each other, the meeting after their arrival to Camp Dragonhead, the promise they had made (although she omitted the parts about his tears), everything that happened in between, and how she was powerless to stop Nidhogg’s possession.

Alphinaud stayed silent during the entire confession and Rei couldn’t read the look on his face. She narrowed her eyes at him before saying, “So yes I am clearly not fine. I wanted confidence from our meeting with Y’shtola and Krile that he was alive and that we could save him with little risk. Instead I’m more uncertain at whether I should be mourning the man I love or be doing everything in my power to save him,” She grabbed one of her many pillows (courtesy of Haurchefant) and let out a muffled scream into it saying, “Why can’t this just be easy? Why can’t we just get rid of Nidhogg and be done with it! Why did the beast have to take him from me? Why must love be so hard? Ugh!”

Alphinaud chucked before lifting the pillow from her face, where she was sporting a mean pout, “It seems you’re in a better mood now that you’ve gotten that off your chest. I’m sorry that I asked you to save Estinien without considering the two of you may have had a discussion regarding the topic. I imagine our earlier discussion put you on the spot and forced your hand.”

“It’s fine Alphi, you couldn’t have known. Besides, he didn’t withhold his end of the deal! At least, that’s what I’m telling myself so I don’t feel like I completely betrayed him. Although, truth be told I wanted to save him before you brought it up. I’m fine now, I guess I just needed to let out these emotions to someone instead of keeping them welled up.”

Alphinaud got up from his chair, “Well my friend, I’m assuming you’re still on for saving our grumping dragoon and seeking Hraesvelgr for help against Nidhogg?”

“Of course.”

“Good. By the way, his sneaky kisses weren’t so sneaky. Ysayle caught one of them when we were in the Churning Mists and pointed it out to me. So I knew something was going on between the two of you, but we figured you would tell us over time. I should’ve properly checked in with you after his disappearance,” Alphinaud gave her a toothy grin before saying, “You two are quite the lovebirds you know, Tataru heard rumours more than once of you two sharing a room at the Forgotten Knight.” 

Rei threw a pillow at him in response and the pair erupted into much needed laughter to end the day. Tomorrow they would begin their journey to stopping Nidhogg and rescuing their companion. And maybe she could get a kiss or two from Estinien again.

**Author's Note:**

> One day I will be good at titles and summaries, today is not that day.  
> follow me on twitter @supernintenho for ffxiv & if you want to see Rei


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